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VCPR with Maurice Chavez, the a hole.


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#1 Fat Cobra

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 01:30 AM

Maurice: Thanks guys! Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to
Pressing Issues on VCPR. That's Vice City Public Radio. Radio which
gives people exactly what they want: High quality educational
programming about serious topics and the consistent reminder that this
world is going to hell in a handbasket if you don't give us money.
Remember, Vice City Public Radio is commercial free because it is funded
entirely by donations by our listeners... and corporate sponsors. So,
if you're enjoying the show, why not make a contribution? I am Maurice
Chavez, and this is Pressing Issues. Pressing Issues is a roundtable
discussion group in which we as self-important people exactly what they
think about things and then they argue amongst themselves for a bit...
Before leaving with views more extreme than when they came in. Only
joking, ladies and gentlemen! This is a show founded on the ancient
Greek principle of enlightened debate and the American principle of free
speech. Or is that the ancient Greek priniciple of feeding wisemen
hemlock and the American principle of being annoying (annoyed?) and loud
so no one can get a word in? I forget. Only time will tell. Now, the
subject that we are discussing right now on Pressing Issues with me,
Maurice Chavez, for your enlightenment and enjoyment is a very serious
one: Public Safety. In case you haven't noticed, Vice City is not a
very safe place. These are troubled times. We are a troubled people.
Some would say we are a people at war with ourselves. Other say we are
at war with reality. Those who live in other countries and strive to
own our fast food restaurants and Kwik-E-Marts would say we are a blood-
thirsty bunch of crazies who let children buy guns from the super
markets. Another opinion is that it is the fault of society. That, as
Plato said, "People don't mean to kill each other." It happens because
they are poor or desperate or really thirsty or in need of a vacation
or something. Another view is that we are all a little confused and
really should stay at home, locked in doors and forget about everything
as quickly as possible. So, let's press the issue, eh?! Sitting at our
panel right now, we have three divergent opinions. Three separate items
of insanity in a rolling sea of stupidity. Three wisemen following very
different stars. To my right, heh, to everyone's right in fact, we have
congressman Alex Shrub; the youngest state congressman to ever be
elected by Vice City and now a respected man in the capital. Mr. Shrub
got elected because he has great hair and says things that make you nod
your head. His campaign appealed to the wealthy because he set all of
us at ease by confirming, "It's okay to be rich, as long as you say you
care about the children." Mr. Shrub, welcome!

Alex: That's not entirely true, Maurice. My campaign also appealed to
the poor... who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held
up pretty pictures and then I gave out candy bars to appeal to their
most base insticts. Thanks Maurice. I'm glad to be given this
opportunity to set the record straight.

Maurice: I haven't given you any opportunity yet, my heartless friend.
Let me introduce my other guest first.

Alex: I hope this isn't going to get personal. I love Vice City more
than anyone, and I can proove it.

Maurice: Yes, that's coming from the man who got elected by calling his
opponent a "buffalo butt" and a fat, hen-pecked wimp that couldn't fight
his way out of a wet, paper bag. Anyway, our next guest is from the
opposite end of the political spectrum. A man so wet, he looks like he
just stepped out of the shower. Peace Corps activist, hippie concert
taper, founder of the group "Speaking for the Underdog". He is fluent
in seven languages and studied the harp in Peru: Callum Crayshaw.

Callum: Hi Maurice! Hola. Buenos dias and noches. Bonjour and
buongiorno. Wilkommen. Hallo, hello, hi!

Maurice: Uhhehehe... Let's stick to English. Most of us struggle enough
with that. Welcome to Pressing Issues... And lastly, we have a man with
a noble solution to the problems of public safety in Vice City. A
solution so stupid, I cannot bring myself to explain it for him. Yet,
like break dancing, it is sadly catching on. A man who appears on this
fine show because our previous know-it-all panelist was car-jacked and
is now at home arming himself to the teeth. I give you John F. Hickory.

John: How y'all doing!?

Maurice: Indeed. So, before we get started, gentlemen, let me remind
you of the rules of engagement. Here on Pressing Issues, the number one
rated show on public radio in the Vice City are and hosted by me,
Maurice Chavez. Pressing Issues is about free speech, not feeding each
other hemlock, literally or metaphorically.

John: My daddy used to grow that stuff in the back woods in Missouri.
HOOOWEEE! I tell you what!

Maurice: Yes, thank you! I expect you to listen to each other and I
will only step in when necessary only so people on the Earth don't
forget what my voice sounds like, heh heh heh heh. So, I want a clean
fight. Nothing below the belt on in the chops. And remember Maurice's
moto, which a very wiseman, my father, once told me, "If you listen, one
day you might be heard and when in doubt, use the smell test." That's
so important I think. Don't you? So, congressman, let's start with
you. Crime is up, people are scared to walk the streets, nobody is
taking public transportation, police morale is at an all-time low,
everyone is killing and maiming and giving each other the finger,
metaphorically speaking. Do you think the government is doing a good
job?

Alex: Absolutely! Those statistics are interesting, but like all
statistics, they are also irrelevant. Let me give you a better
statistic, Chavez. In 1980, when I was elected and you were, according
to the intelligence gathered on you, a man with no mission. You worked
as a clown at birthday parties, corporate functions, bar mitzvahs, and
go-go bars. You, realizing that you were a hollow man that can only
take on the personality of others, decided to become an actor... And
despite going up for 17 auditions that year, you only got work as a
fluffer in a sex ed. video. Your tax returns show that you earn less
than $2000. Suffering from anxiety, you attended a group therapy for a
year and considered getting a sex change. An idiot liberal felt sorry
for you and now you host your own radio show, write a newspaper column
(that lines my bird cage), you got an ex-wife and an attractive
girlfriend although she's married to your best friend, and you're on top
of the world. So answer me this... Can you really say the years of
living under my administration have been bad for you?

Maurice: Eh, eh. We are not talking about me. This is Pressing Issues,
not Pressing Maurice.

Callum: Yes, excuse me if I may. Can we get to the part where we press
the issue?

Alex: You see, that's what's wrong with this city. Liberals just want
to open the floodgates, let anyone in, and make you, the ordinary hard-
working men and women pay for the pleasure. Well, you have my
permission to beat them with sticks. We won't prosecute. You'd be
doing us all a favor! Free love, wig out, don't work, make love in the
field, and listen to rock-n-roll or whatever you call it. Meanwhile,
Crayshaw, I know your father. He's made a lot of money which makes him
a great person, but for every good conservative they end up having some
wacko, commie kid just back from a vacation in the orient who wants to
share. Go take that sharing business to Cuba or Canada or somewhere. I
don't have a trust fund or a rich daddy. I know what it is to be poor
and to look at the world from the other side. I slept my way to the
top.

John: Ehem, if you two would stop, uh, hootin' and carryin' on, I have a
plan that will save Florida from the yellow-bellied snakes that want to
slither into this great state from all places north.

Alex: Oh, look. Stump-jumpin' Jethro is using all three of his brain
cells to talk!

Maurice: Enough! We've just started and you have prooved yourself, Mr.
Shrub, to be just as they said. I grant you, 1980 was not a high point
in my career, but I never applied for a sex change. I was merely in an
exploratory phase and besides which, Sal the Wheat-free clown was a
funny act! Once voted the best upincoming dietary restrictive comic act
in the whole of Vice City. I tried to take it to the Catskills, but
Mount Scarylarge was full. Besides, we are not talking about me. We
are talking about you.

Alex: Actually, if I remember correctly, you didn't win. Mary the Meat-
Free Mime won. In fact, under legislation I am proposing, all of you
vegetarians will be kicked out of Vice City. We were given canines and
bicuspids for a reason... To open packages of potato chips.

Maurice: Hey! Don't get wrong! I always hated that bitch! What's funny
about a woman not eating a hamburger, or miming saving a chicken from
the slaughterer's hands? ...Or her big act: "I Am a Milk Cow: A
Lactating Machine For Your Breakfast Cereal"? How do you think a little
kiddie liked that on his brithday, not very much."

:)

#2 Sherman

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 01:56 AM

Give me a legit reason you posted that and I'll let you go.

#3 Fat Cobra

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:01 AM

I posted that because i thought the bored people with dial up internet connection would figure out something to do while they read that, because you know how right when you get off line and log off you figure out something to do. then you hve to log on again and go thru dial up then go to the site they want to
Do you get what i'm saying. :erm:

#4 Sherman

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:06 AM

Oh, ok. I forgot people still had dial-up :mellow:

#5 Fat Cobra

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:15 AM

It's ok

#6 tommy vercetti guy

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:24 AM

People stll have dial up?
I hate when people play online games with dial up, all people have DSL or cable in one server, then all of a sudden, a dial up user comes in and lag ups the place
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#7 Fat Cobra

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:40 AM

Hey! Hey! Hey! fat albert, I have dial up
but i don't play any games online i only go online for cheat codes or anything else important
:mellow:

#8 Spaz The Great

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 02:44 AM

But still, this should be in the Vice City forum. ;)

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There is no "freedom of speech" in forums, yes you can say what you want but in the end what the mods say gos. This is not a democracy.

lolz

#9 Sherman

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 03:09 AM

I'll move it.. but I always thought you could move topics anywhere as a regular mod.:huh:

#10 Spaz The Great

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Posted 07 March 2005 - 03:49 AM

If the topic is in a forum you mod. :rolleyes:

You should've not left a link though. That is pretty pointless, don't you think?

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There is no "freedom of speech" in forums, yes you can say what you want but in the end what the mods say gos. This is not a democracy.

lolz

#11 Crombie

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Posted 21 April 2005 - 07:32 AM

Plz. give me the lyrics of the topic of Konstantinos and the topic of Morality
Shut up, BIG FAT MEANIE WEENIE SPAMMERS

#12 Konstantinos29

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Posted 29 April 2005 - 05:18 AM

I like the topic of deception were konstantinos appeared...
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relive Westside Family Thugz!!

#13 Lieutenant

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Posted 12 February 2009 - 02:16 PM



hello guys,

i really like that station :coolthumbup:

but could any one please write its whole text

i mean the second and third sessions ( morality and positive thinking )

TNX



* If I Have A Flower For Every Time I Think Of You , I Will Walk For Ever In A Garden. *

#14 Urbanoutlaw

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Posted 13 February 2009 - 11:30 AM

Nice 4-year bump. :thumbsup:

Anyway, welcome & read the rules.

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If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's meant to be.

If not, point & laugh when it flies into a woodchipper.


#15 Lieutenant

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 02:19 PM

Nice 4-year bump. :thumbsup:

Anyway, welcome & read the rules.


thanks for your notification :clapping:

but i sure have read the rules

and i think this topic is useful for me and other people.

* If I Have A Flower For Every Time I Think Of You , I Will Walk For Ever In A Garden. *

#16 WRX22B1998

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 04:05 AM

http://www.gamefaqs....le/561545/20529

that is a script of the full thing.:)

#17 _Ray

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 04:23 AM

Nice 4-year bump. :thumbsup:

Anyway, welcome & read the rules.


thanks for your notification :clapping:

but i sure have read the rules

and i think this topic is useful for me and other people.


Hmmmm...... yeah not so much. Otherwise it wouldn't have been 4 years of no one talking on it.
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#18 Lieutenant

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Posted 21 February 2009 - 03:39 PM

http://www.gamefaqs....le/561545/20529

that is a script of the full thing.:)


:hi: thank you my friend

i really appreciate it :coolthumbup:


***




Hmmmm...... yeah not so much. Otherwise it wouldn't have been 4 years of no one talking on it.


thank you for your opinion but i still think it was important at least for me
* If I Have A Flower For Every Time I Think Of You , I Will Walk For Ever In A Garden. *




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