Jump to content

Official Joke Topic


mr man

Recommended Posts

  • 7 months later...

Doc: "Do you do drugs?"

Patient: "That depends, what kind of drugs, doc?"

Doc: "Medication."

Patient: "As far as I know... No..."

Doc: "Cocaine???"

Patient: "Absolutely Not!"

Doc: "Marijuana???"

Patient: "YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!"

I for got where or when I got that joke from...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

"Magic Beer", he says

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

a plane carrying explosives was going down over a town. the soldiers in the back threw out some explosives and the plane landed safetly. the soldiers are walking back home as they see a little kid cry, and ask,"What's wrong?" the kid says,"A gun fell and hit me on the head." they felt bad but just kept going on.

another kid comes their way, and this one is also crying. They ask him what's wrong, and he says,"I gun hit my arm and broke it!" the soldiers felt really bad, but said nothing. They moved along, and see another little kid, only this one is laughing. they ask him,"what's so funny?" the kid says,"My dad farted and the house blew up!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Doc: "Do you do drugs?"

Patient: "That depends, what kind of drugs, doc?"

Doc: "Medication."

Patient: "As far as I know... No..."

Doc: "Cocaine???"

Patient: "Absolutely Not!"

Doc: "Marijuana???"

Patient: "YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!"

I for got where or when I got that joke from...

lol you got that off of Cheppeles show. :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students: "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: Wait a minute. I'm going for a piss.

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Johnny replied: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet. I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word 'toilet' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner."

The teacher passed out.

Another

A blind guy goes into a store with his guide dog. The owner of the store says "you can't bring that dog in here". The blind man replies "this is my guide dog becuase i'm blind". The store owner replied "i'm so sorry, please, take your time".

Next, the blind guys yanks his dog by the lead up over his head and starts swinging the dog around. The store owner runs over and yells

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The blind man replies, "just looking around."

Taken from gtastunting forums xD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk!"

omg that was funny! I was totaly cuaght off guard by the ending setance :rofl2:

Heres another superman joke

Super man was flying around the city looking for something to do, his super vision spotted Wonder Woman lying on her back, stark naked and spread-eagle!

Superman thought, "Hey, I'm Superman, so I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and she'll never know the difference!"

superman swooped down at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman started jerking around and got up , "What are you doing invisible man!" she said.

Then Invisible Man got up and looked around frantically, "I don't know wonderwomen, but my ass hurts

like hell!b]

Edited by Sabin
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why did God give men penises?

. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?

. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your check.

. How is a woman like a laxative?

. They both irritate the shit out of you.

. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?

. It's Braille for "suck here".

. Why do men die before their wives?

. They want to.

. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?

. Lipstick.

. Why do women have tits?

. So men will talk to them.

. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?

. You come in one and go in the other.

. Why do women close their eyes during sex?

. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

. Money.

. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

. What's the difference between your wife and your job?

. After 5 years your job will still suck.

. What's the best thing about a blow job?

. Ten minutes of silence.

and finally...

. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your

house and car with them...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A guy's in the bar when an alien from outer space walks through the door and sits next to him.

The drunk thinks nothing of it, trying to maintain good inter- galactic peace, and all.

The alien orders himself a drink. When he's halfway through with the drink, he licks his green finger, and then sticks the finger in the drunk's ear.

The drunk's irritated, but again, in the interest of seeing there's no interstellar war, he says nothing.

The alien pulls his finger out, finishes his drink, and then orders another one. Once he reaches the half-way point in that drink, he again licks his finger, then puts that finger into the drunk's ear.

"Hey, Buddy, how 'bout let's lay off the ear pokin', what do you say?"

Well, as you know, halfway through the alien's third drink, the alien licks and sticks once again. The drunk has forgotten his peaceful ways and says, as forcibly as he can, "Look, asshole, if you do that again, I'm gonna rip your balls off!"

The alien orders one more drink. Stirs it for awhile . . . and, you guessed it, licks that green finger and again sticks it right in the drunk's ear.

"Goddammit!!!" the drunk roars, and reaches between the alien's legs to carry out his threat. But there's "nothing there".

The drunk's a little confused. "Man, if you've got no balls, then how do you screw?"

The alien licks his finger and sticks it in the drunk's ear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

im sure everyone has heard the joke about the monkey falling out of a tree

A:he was dead

i thought we could extend this to see what else fall out off the tree

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

he was dead

now add what is attached to the monkey

a bird

Edited by Taime
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Which topic? Which Forums?

Anyway:

JOKE 1

Little Kid: "Why Do You Grown Ups Drink?"

Drunk: "I don't know about thos other bastards, but I drink to forget!"

Little Kid: "To forget about what?"

Drunk: "That I drink!"

Little Kid: "Grown Ups are crazy!"

JOKE 2

In a Coffee Shop, there was only one bartender, and there were about 100 visitors. After serving all of them, Donald Trump came, and asked for a latt`e. The bartender made a latt`e as Donald Trump made a call.

Bartender (Kindly): "Here's your latt`e sir!"

Donald (Mumbles): "Hmmm..."

Bartender (showing a jar labelled "TIPS")

Donald: "A TIP? Here's a tip: GET A REAL JOB!!! HAHAHAHAHA"

[Donald left the shop, but forgot his suitcase, his cellphone, and his latt`e.]

Bartender: "He forgot his life!"

Edited by C.O.D
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...